Nameless Little Angel

bb2

Dear Baby,

First of all, I always thought that I’d be ready with a baby name the moment I’d be expecting you. Like how I should be right now. But after almost two months of knowing about you and the little temporary home you are building inside of me, I still have absolutely no idea what to name you. No girl name option. No boy name option. Nada. For the meantime, allow us to call you BB2, a playful twist to my home nickname.

Anyway, that’s you in that little sonogram, taken about seven weeks ago when you were just six weeks in my belly. And that’s me below. Like Rachel Green in Friends (that sitcom you’ve been hearing again and again while you’re busy developing your organs, reflexes, and brain), I really couldn’t make anything of that well-lit dark image. I always had to have an RN friend beside me to direct me—all the time. That doesn’t make me a terrible parent, does it? Well Rachel didn’t turn out to be a bad mom.

I-Cant-See-It

When you’re old enough, I’ll make sure to introduce you to Rachel Green and her friends so you’ll understand why my video player is playing the whole ten seasons on repeat. Could I be any more of a fan? (Also a joke you’ll probably get about twenty years from now).

When you’re old enough, you’ll also eventually realize that I lied when I said I was filled with pure joy when I first learned about you, so I might as well tell you now that no, that wasn’t much the case. In fact, I don’t remember how I felt exactly. I did not rejoice, I did not panic, I was not even stunned. It was just completely blank. I was completely blank. But your dad was right there beside me and he was grinning. It was such a creepy grin but I knew then that everything’s going to be okay for us three.

This thought became even more valid when we heard your heartbeat for the very first time three days ago. What they said was true. You did sound like a galloping horse, and a quick one at that. I’ve always been aware of your existence. Gagging a hundred and sixty times a day for the past weeks was enough proof for me, but hearing your heartbeat made it all so real.

And it was beautiful.

I haven’t touched nor held you yet but I think I know now what they mean when they say that babies are always a blessing. You are a blessing to us. We are so excited for you, Baby. See you soon! ♥

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